Buffalo seasons Awareness in life


Am I Engaging in Projective Identification?

Am I Engaging in Projective Identification?

In relationships, projective identification can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and significant emotional distress as individuals unconsciously project their own unwanted feelings or traits onto others. This can create a confusing dynamic where the recipient of the projection begins to experience and act upon these imposed emotions or characteristics, often exacerbating the original conflict. However, this process can also foster a sense of closeness or intimacy, as the projector and recipient become emotionally intertwined, sharing an unspoken, yet powerful, psychological connection.

Understanding and addressing projective identification is crucial to reducing the vast polarization that has blanketed the globe. In the 21st century, countries, states, political parties, corporations, communities, and families are engaging in literal and figurative war. By exploring these unconscious projections, Dialogue therapists and Real Dialogue specialists can help people gain insight into their own internal conflicts and the ways in which they influence their relationships. This awareness allows clients to disentangle themselves from the projections of others, fostering healthier interpersonal dynamics and reducing emotional distress. Ultimately, recognizing and working through projective identification can lead to more authentic and constructive interactions, both in therapy, consultation, and in everyday relationships.

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Polarizing Conversations, Humanity’s Nemesis

Polarizing Conversations, Humanity’s Nemesis

Polarization profoundly impacts humanity by entrenching divisions and fostering an environment where mutual understanding and cooperation become increasingly difficult. It exacerbates conflicts by emphasizing differences rather than commonalities, leading to social fragmentation and the breakdown of communal bonds. In families, polarization can cause estrangement and tension, while in workplaces, it undermines collaboration and productivity. Within organizations and cultures, polarization can erode trust, impair decision-making, and create dysfunction, ultimately stalling progress and innovation. On a broader scale, polarized societies struggle to address collective challenges effectively, as partisan gridlock and resistance to compromise impede the development of inclusive and sustainable solutions. This erosion of social cohesion and collaborative spirit hinders humanity's ability to address pressing global issues, from climate change to social justice, ultimately threatening the well-being and advancement of societies worldwide.

Real Dialogue—a movement to counteract stereotyping, racism, bias, polarization, and dehumanization—is a method of co-facilitated conversation outside the therapy room with the aim of seeing, hearing, and feeling another as a human being with respect. As we gain greater understanding of our human counterparts, we can gain greater respect for our differences.

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Putting Your Kids First: The Art of Co-Parenting
Couples Work, Co-Parenting, Divorce, Separation Lisa Rainwater Couples Work, Co-Parenting, Divorce, Separation Lisa Rainwater

Putting Your Kids First: The Art of Co-Parenting

Co-parenting, a collaborative arrangement in which both parents actively participate in raising their children despite not being in a marital or romantic relationship, is becoming increasingly common in today's society. According to recent statistics, approximately 50% of children in the United States will experience their parents' divorce, and a significant number of these families will transition to co-parenting arrangements. The importance of effective co-parenting to children's well-being cannot be overstated. Research consistently shows that children who grow up with cooperative co-parents tend to exhibit better emotional, social, and academic outcomes compared to those in high-conflict or single-parent households. Researchers provide robust data supporting the benefits of co-parenting, highlight how positive co-parenting relationships contribute to a stable and supportive environment, fostering resilience and healthy development in children.

This article provides tips on how to co-parent.

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The Power of Group

The Power of Group

The powerful benefits of psychotherapy groups have been documented for decades, most profoundly by Irvin Yalom, MD—a founding father of existential psychotherapy and group work. Yalom observed, “The act of revealing oneself fully to another and still being accepted may be the major vehicle of therapeutic help.”

As a group psychotherapist, I have worked with people living with cancer, caregivers, bereaved persons, compassion fatigue, women’s and men’s issues, and existential concerns. In five years, I was honored to have borne witness to the unique aspects of self-discovery, compassion, and personal growth that arise from exploring the human condition with others in a confidential setting. I have been greatly influenced by Dr. Yalom’s work, and I am grateful for the opportunity .

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A White Buffalo is born
Resilience, Buffalos, History, Legends Lisa Rainwater Resilience, Buffalos, History, Legends Lisa Rainwater

A White Buffalo is born

On June 4th, a white buffalo calf was discovered in the Lamar Valley in the northeastern corner of Yellowstone National Park. The birth of a white buffalo calf with black nose, eyes and hooves is a rare occurrence and holds spiritual significance for American Plains Indian tribes.

The American buffalo, or bison, has a storied history intertwined with the ecology and culture of North America. Roaming the continent for thousands of years, the buffalo thrived in diverse environments from the Great Plains to the eastern forests and as far south as Mexico. With estimated populations between 30-60 million, these majestic animals were integral to the way of life for many Native American tribes. For the Plains tribes, in particular, the buffalo was vital, providing food, clothing, shelter, and tools, shaping their nomadic lifestyle and cultural practices.

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Wood & Dragons ||  Creativity & Resilience
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

Wood & Dragons || Creativity & Resilience

According to the Chinese Zodiac, those born in Year of the Wood Dragon (1904, 1964, 2024) are highly creative and inquisitive beings. In celebration of the Year of the Wood Dragon, I explore intellectual wellbeing, the five elements of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and the five Pillars of Resilience.

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A New Year Inspiration: How will your wits guide you in 2024?
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

A New Year Inspiration: How will your wits guide you in 2024?

The Crow & the Pitcher: How will your wits guide you in 2024?

Æsop’s life story emulates the narratives we all hold within and without us. Yet, there is one significant difference: We are neither literary nor historical legends.

Different voices, different narrators, different phases in our lifespan help shape our identity and influence how we come to understand our place in the universe.

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Bridges & Boundaries: Relational Wellbeing
Relationships, Wellbeing Lisa Rainwater Relationships, Wellbeing Lisa Rainwater

Bridges & Boundaries: Relational Wellbeing

Relationships spread across family (parents, siblings, spouses/partners, children, grandparents, etc.); work (co-workers, bosses, supervisors, contractors, consultants, clients, patients, etc.); friends (school, college, sports, arts, etc.); and community (neighborhoods, spiritual / religious, collectives, groups, volunteerism, etc.).

In our post-modern 21st century world—comprised of social media influencers, online gaming, work-from-home opportunities, live coverage of wars being waged, artificial intelligence, and fallout from the global coronavirus pandemic, to name but a few—humanity’s relational wellness has been threatened.

And the threats are real.

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Social Connectivity: How to Halt An Epidemic of Loneliness & Isolation
Wellbeing Lisa Rainwater Wellbeing Lisa Rainwater

Social Connectivity: How to Halt An Epidemic of Loneliness & Isolation

Social connectivity can be understood through relationships spread across family (parents, siblings, spouses/partners, children, grandparents, etc.); work (co-workers, bosses, supervisors, contractors, consultants, clients, patients, etc.); friends (school, college, sports, arts, etc.); and community (neighborhoods, spiritual / religious, collectives, groups, volunteerism, etc.). Researchers found that social connectivity can decrease the risk of developing and worsening major physical and mental health problems, including heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, dementia, and diabetes.

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Resilience …That Which Does Not Kill Us
Depth Psychotherapy Lisa Rainwater Depth Psychotherapy Lisa Rainwater

Resilience …That Which Does Not Kill Us

Nietzsche spoke to me on that lava field as if he were my Zarathustra: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Indeed, I thought. Indeed. Decades later, I still rely on Western and Eastern philosophical writings to guide me in life and in my work with clients. Translating Nietzsche’s existential inquiry into therapeutic parlance leads me to a psychological concept gobbled up by 21st Century pop culture: Resilience.

What Nietzsche noted in the late 1800s is today described as one’s ability to rebound from life challenges through flexibility and adaptability. One’s resilience is supported by five pillars: self-awareness, engagement in self-care, the practice of mindfulness, supportive relationships, and living a life with purpose and meaning. During stressful times, any or all of these pillars may weaken, become unstable, or crumble. As one sustains the impacts of adversity, each can help buoy one through the storm.

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Anticipatory Grief & The 3 E’s of Self-Compassion
Grief, Loss, Anticipatory Grief Lisa Rainwater Grief, Loss, Anticipatory Grief Lisa Rainwater

Anticipatory Grief & The 3 E’s of Self-Compassion

Caregiving is an heroic act that needs more recognition and support. From spouses to adult children to pet parents and veterinarians to nurses and physicians, the level of care provided to one living with a serious health condition takes an existential toll.

In this blog series, I explore the life of caregivers and offer tips on how to walk the noble road while maintaining one’s emotional, cognitive, and physiological health. This week, we look at anticipatory grief and its impact on the mind, body, and spirit. We then review the 3 E’s of Self-Compassion: Expression, Engagement, and Empowerment and their protective factors for those experiencing anticipatory grief.

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Be the buffalo & Head Into the Storm
Wellbeing, Resilience Lisa Rainwater Wellbeing, Resilience Lisa Rainwater

Be the buffalo & Head Into the Storm

Resilience is your ability to rebound from life challenges—not by avoiding them—but by facing them head on like the buffalo. The American Bison, also known as the Buffalo, serves well as a metaphor for resilience. While domesticated cattle try to outrun a storm, buffalo instinctually know that to outrun a storm is impossible. They face the storm head on and are rewarded for their strength and ability to rebound: Buffalo suffer less, conserve energy, and spend far less time in the freezing rain, drizzle, high winds, snow, and more. In contrast, domesticated cattle suffer longer, exert more energy, and spend more time in the chaotic rise and fall of a storm. Human storms can arise from myriad wells: Infidelity or mistrust in a marriage, the death of a loved one, panic attacks of unknown origins, depression, existential angst, or a major life transition. Yet, there is purpose and meaning beyond ourselves in such storms; it is that which can be understood.

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Where is Your Life Leading You?
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

Where is Your Life Leading You?

Wherever you are, autumn is a time of reflection. A time of letting go. A time of nurturing our energies for the long days of winter. Consider how you can use this time to determine what is important to you, what sustains you, and what no longer serves you. Autumn is a time to ask: Where is my life leading me? And what would I need to recalibrate to get there?

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I See You, Anger
Mindfulness, Depth Psychotherapy Lisa Rainwater Mindfulness, Depth Psychotherapy Lisa Rainwater

I See You, Anger

Where does your anger live? Does it hold court in your belly? Does it wrap around your heart like a corset? Or is it so pervasive that it flows through your veins like Valvoline in a Formula 1 race car? If you’re like me, it might live in all those places and even a few I’m yet unaware of. Anger is alive in all of us—even when we try to ignore it. Even when social norms and expectations tell us anger is unacceptable. Over the next few weeks, I invite you to join me on a journey of discovery where the dark sides of you reveal you unveiled.

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Entering the Role of Caregiver, Lightly
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

Entering the Role of Caregiver, Lightly

In becoming a caregiver for the first time, you have embarked on a road that may be unfamiliar to you. Even if you have been a caregiver to a loved one in the past, each caregiving experience is unique. You may utilize the new skills you honed, but, unless it is the same debilitating illness, new skills will likely be required. This blog series explores the role of caregiver and provides guidance on how to take care of self and loved one on this less traveled road.

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Life Transition: Your Growth & Well-being
Guest Blogger, Life Coaching, Acupuncture Lisa Rainwater Guest Blogger, Life Coaching, Acupuncture Lisa Rainwater

Life Transition: Your Growth & Well-being

Life is full of changes. Life is full of new experiences. Life is full of opportunities.

But sometimes we’re not ready for the changes, the new experiences, and thus we find ourselves unable to fully embrace the opportunities. It leaves us asking ourselves, what can I do differently? How can I better prepare for when opportunities arise?

As a Certified Life Coach, Robert B. Bagget, M. Dip. Ac., CLC specializes in helping people answer these questions through strategic discovery, visioning, mapping, goal setting and supporting you through accountability measures, while celebrating each achievement along the way. He describes his work in this blog post.

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Bereavement Requires Time & Oscillation
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

Bereavement Requires Time & Oscillation

The Dual Process of Mourning describes the importance of intentionality in the grieving process. We need to engage in “dosing our grief” because at times either end can become too debilitating. Respite from grief work can be found in learning how to call and schedule the eaves to be cleaned for the first time after a spouse dies. Respite from paying bills and going places alone can be found in snuggling in your den watching a favorite romance movie that you and your partner watched together—the tears can be cathartic, while also continuing your bond with them. These acts are integral to developing a healthy coping style to your loss.

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Feedback loops 101: Anchors, Waves, & Islands
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

Feedback loops 101: Anchors, Waves, & Islands

In this blog post, I talk about attachment styles, and how we can learn about whether we are an Island, Anchor, or Waves. Understanding our attachment style enables us to related better in our relationships with partners, children, and co-workers.

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The Impact of Cancer on Personal relationships
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

The Impact of Cancer on Personal relationships

When I was 15 years old, entering high school, my maternal grandfather, aka Moo Moo, died of lung cancer, which had metastasized to his brain. Treatments and prognoses have come a long way since then, and some forms of metastatic disease are curable. I often wish that he would have been able to live this long to see such amazing advancements in medicine. He was in his mid-50s—my age now. I still have the quiet moments I spent with him in his bedroom, the bed facing the rugged lawn and all its rural wonder; but I also have memories of better times with him fishing on the LaCrosse River, eating hot ham and cheese sandwiches at Hardees, and trying to make cream turn into butter by shaking the half and half capsules at the local diner (his idea and prompting).

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Mother’s Day, Not Always A Happy Holiday
Lisa Rainwater Lisa Rainwater

Mother’s Day, Not Always A Happy Holiday

In the United States, the origin of Mother’s Day dates to the 19th century. In the early 1900s, Anna Jarvis embarked upon a public campaign to establish an official holiday for mothers after the death of her mother. Herself childless, Anna lobbied for the special day as a way to recognize women’s contributions to society. In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson declared the holiday to be held on the second Sunday of May.

By the 1920s, the holiday had been so commercialized, that Anna denounced the holiday, petitioning the federal government to remove the holiday from the official calendar. And so, after thousands of years of honoring mothers and motherhood, the post-modern commercialization of Mother’s Day has been foisted on the public via television, social media, radio, advertisements, sales promotions … the list is endless. For some, the month-long lead-up to the holiday followed by endless social media posts capturing just the right smiles and hugs on the special day, can be unsettling.

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